About Me

The Journey of the Broken Heart

 

R+B Wedding -207It seems that those who go through this are either so afraid of relationship they resolve never to go there again or they jump at the first person who tells them they are in any way remotely attractive.

I was a jumper – mainly because, in my deepest heart, I still believed that true love was out there. I simply hadn’t found it yet. Well, needless to say, rebound relationships rarely work and I found myself worse off than before.

Broken, desperately lonely, I was forced into doing some very deep soul searching. It was a difficult and hopelessly lost time. Healing was slow going.

But every time I reached a milestone, I would mark it with a symbol of some kind so  I wouldn’t forget.   I wouldn’t let myself stop believing that I was going to get through this and find happiness again.

Frozen and unable to write or create, I found other ways express my emotions.

I joined a gym and ran and ran.

I spent hours at the park lying on a blanket to avoid going home.

I began buying lingerie that I was determined I would wear for a new husband.

I did what I had to financially, even renting out rooms in my apartment.

I started a “strength journal” where I recorded anything I did that made me just a little stronger, from activities to quotes to conversations.

When I was weak, I would go back and re-read them.

I cut out pictures that depicted the life I wanted, put words and poems with them that depicted my future vision, and put them carefully into what I called my “Dream Book”.

“God, is it too late to find a real Knight in Shining Armor…?”

I dated.

I tried every dating site, had phone conversations, read about dating and healing.   It was scary at first but I knew that I wasn’t going to find new love sitting at home.

I began to train more in what I loved to do – coaching, of course, which led me into laser focusing on the niche I have today.

By opening myself up to new friendships, I started to trust more.

I was challenged to truly move beyond the places where my heart was stuck.

Step by step, I learned and grew and healed and the crying became less and less.

 Yes, I kissed a lot of toads, which disappointed me more than once ,but  I used this to propel me forward and keep me learning.

Amazingly, the more I grew, the more sure of myself I became and the less desperate I was.

I began to enjoy my independence and, even though I was nearly 50, it almost felt as if I had grown up.

I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship, to have someone with whom to share my life, but I was now more than prepared to wait for the right man.

“I will always believe in True Love”, was the mantra that ran consistently beneath my life even though I wasn’t always aware of it.

And then he was there – my true love.

He helped me with my car “on a dark and stormy night” as he tells it.

He was everything I asked for,  everything I had written down, and he was so much worth waiting for.

Someone is Waiting to be Loved By You

It took me 5 long, arduous years but I now know that I can help others find their way because if I can, anyone can.

This is why I am now focusing my coaching on broken hearts.

No one should have to stay in that place of pain.  

And no one should have to be alone if they don’t want to be.

The other side of my broken heart has been more than I could ever imagine!

The “other side” of my broken heart has been more than I could ever imagine!

It has been my joy to walk with clients going through life changing experiences since 2003.  Having overcome a food addiction, a difficult marriage and subsequent divorce followed by the harsh uphill climb of starting over (whew!), I found my passion wrapped up in restoring hope in those have lost it.

Certification:

Institute for Life Coach Training;
RobbinsMadanes Coach Training;
Relationship Coach Institute

Specialties:  Life Coach, Strategic Interventionalist, Relationship Educator, Speaker

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • L.F.

    Bernice,
    I found your blog via an article of yours published on lifehacks.
    Of all of the thousands of people in this world who give out advice, there are only three authors who get it right. Their advice not only has substance, but you can feel through the pages that the author is living proof of happiness. You are one of those rare people.
    I went through the toughest four years of my life recently (divorce, change of careers, self-esteem issues associated with both) and am still doing a lot of soul-searching. I have read hundreds of self-help articles/books. One of the things I have found is that so many advice-givers sound like they have it figured out, but when you look deeper, their advice is downright damaging.
    Your advice is not like that. You were reborn from your pain and grew tremendously. You are now, after years of true change (which is slow, just as you mentioned in one your articles) happy, fulfilled and your words inspire.
    I wish you and your husband lots of happiness and want to thank you for being brave to speak of the love and hope and happiness we should all dare to try and find. Not many authors are as honest as you because oftentimes people want the answer they want, not the truth. The truth is, sometimes you have to leave a marriage and start over. The truth is emotional evolution comes with some growing pains. The truth is that there is no way to achieve all that is in us to achieve without daring into the unknown.
    All the best to you and keep writing; this world doesn’t need people telling us to stay in unloving marriages or that love is a fairy tale or that we can change our life without any discomfort.
    It needs people like you speaking up.

    • MendBrokenHearts

      Thank you so much for your wonderful words! The truth is hard to face – especially when the decision has to be to leave. But sometimes the one you want to love you is not the one who can. And we have to accept that. Thankfully, many of us who have discovered a new someone who actually wants to love us how we want to be loved. My goal is to train women to be their own courageous defenders in standing up for their hearts – and not settling for anything less than they truly desire. Thanks, again, for your thoughts. Bernice