Are you still feeling “divorced” – can’t push away thoughts that he rejected you or just couldn’t step up to love you like he needed you to?
Do you wish you could be done with the past, shut that Back Room Door and just live in the present again?
When you’ve been through something that changes your life completely like this – of course it’s not going to be something you get over in a flash.
You don’t just “move on”.
In fact, in my coaching and observation, I’ve seen women make 1 of 2 choices.
Krista was a lovely lady who lost her husband after about 25 years of marriage. He was barely gone from her life for less than a year when she introduced me to an old friend who she was engaged to marry. When I met him, it almost seemed she was uncomfortable. Sure enough, a short time later, they were no longer together.
It struck me how difficult that must be for her.
That was about 12 years ago now and you know what? She has never found anyone again. It’s as if she has withdrawn into her career (a very brilliant woman) and shut men out completely.
Now, Krysta is a great example of the 2 extremes of responses after divorce.
- Tiggers (as in Winnie the Pooh – remember?)leap right into another relationship. Most times it’s not the right relationship for them, it’s just somewhere to belong again so they’re not alone.
- Eeyores (the sad little, depressed donkey that never had anything positive to say) shut down and shut out. Heartbreak shut Krysta’s heart down and turned her away from men. Eeyores either set the bar so high they can never find anyone who measures up OR they are so afraid of being hurt again they convince themselves that all men are the same.
I was a Tigger like Krysta was, at first. I was determined that I was not going to be alone because I thought if I let myself be alone, it would last forever. So. I “grabbed onto” (and I mean this literally) the first man that came along. What made me different was that, when that man crushed my heart like a bug, I kept leaping.
We all have our Story of what we do after our relationship breaks up.
Do you see yourself here anywhere?
Are you a Leaper like Tigger?
Or are you an Eeyore a “withdraw from all men, love and anything that looks like it” kind of person?
It’s crucial that you know this…
because it’s really the first step onto the Pathway to healing and being free of the thoughts and pain that plague you.
Assess your FEAR level and how it’s driving your behaviour by filling out this fun form: Am I A Tigger or An Eeyore?
Stay tuned for more…