Scenario: I walked away because he made my life unbearable.
She cheated on me.
I turned around and she was gone, moved out, took everything ….what did I do?
So many, many broken hearts walking around in bodies attempting to live like “normal” people.
But inside fear talks and walks and consumes. “I will never go there again!” you declare. Please don’t ever go there again. Go somewhere new! Do it differently.
There are so many faces of a situation that must be understood. Stepping back and deciding to step forward are the keys.
It’s always about the heart. Your heart – your precious, incomparable, valuable, unique heart.
If you have one ounce of courage, please use it to do this: You must go directly through the pain in order for it to go away. Yes, there will always be a place that aches when you remember – but there won’t always be the screaming sense of loss that you feel now. You can turn the pain into a catalyst for wisdom, using it to bring you more joy than you can ever imagine.
Take courage and start walking toward that door. Go right into the middle of it all. Once you are there, it really isn’t so scary. It just feels honest and real. Trying to avoid and hide it is what is exhausting.
Here is how you start:
1. Decide that you will never give up on true love. So important to begin with the end in mind. You are going to build a picture for yourself of what true love looks like personally, just for you. The foundation is establishing that hope.
2. Admit that you hurt. Yes, this is obvious but it’s amazing how many of us pretend that we are alright and hope the hurt will go away. “Time heals” – isn’t that the phrase? It does if you face what is happening. It doesn’t if you try to push it down. So, right now, take out your journal or grab a piece of paper or start a personal blog, whatever works for you, and start writing! I hurt. I am dying with this pain. I just want to sleep all day. I refuse to look at another man ever again. All women are….. (you fill it in). All men are….. (you fill it in). Be honest and get those feelings out.
3. Recognize your placebos. Anger, Depression. Alcohol. Sugar, Drugs. These are the lids on top of the real emotions. Recognize that you are using them as your friends to hide you and protect you from the pain. But they are not really your friends – they will turn around and literally bite you in the butt by destroying your life. So take the lid off of the pot and look inside.
4. STOP, LOOK &LISTEN. The next time you have a craving to use one of your placebos as a blanket:
STOP and admit that – “I just want to crawl into bed and sleep forever…”
LOOK at what you are doing….”I am trying to find comfort because I don’t want to be alone. I just want to escape from this hurt for a while.”
LISTEN to your heart – what is it saying? “I feel like a failure.” “I am so lonely. ” “I don’t want to be by myself.” “I am a failure.”
Word to the wise: You won’t be successful to turn away every time. But if you do this, STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN exercise often, you will begin to know what is really going on.
5. Start talking. Turn your eyes up to the skies and ask for help. God is there and cares for you. He is not punishing you or condemning you or favoring someone else over you. His heart hurts as much for you as yours does for yourself. And you need Him right now. So, look up and ask for his help. Open your heart to let him see the raw wounds that are bleeding inside. It feels so good to have someone else know.
Then find a good friend and cry with them – perhaps someone who has been through this before. If it’s someone who is going to take you out and get you drunk to forget, don’t pick that individual. Find someone who is healthy. Choose a counselor if you don’t have anyone else. Rant to them. Tell them how hopeless you feel. Explain what you are going through. Just start getting those feelings out!
You are on your way. This is how you walk through that door to hope and to find yourself again. But you are going to find the NEW version of who you are, not the one you were. You will never be that person again so embrace this one. Dare to be different.
Coming soon is my workbook which will show you how to dream and design the relationship you want. Then you can leave what you had behind and never go back there again!
Watch for it!