Someone you like asks you for coffee…you want to go but you make up an excuse to say no.
Fear. Someone you’ve gone out with a few times and enjoyed being with leans in to kiss you. You pull back and tell him you’re not ready for that. Inside, you’re not sure you’ll ever be ready.
Fear. A friend offers to help you set up an on-line dating site and make your profile fun because you’ve told her you’re lonely and wish you could find a good guy. You immediately tell her thanks but you’re too busy to date right now anyway.
Did you know there’s a phobia called “Sarmassophobia”? It’s the FEAR of dating and relationships. You are more afraid to date than you are to be alone.
What’s with that? You know that you have SO MUCH to offer someone.
You are learning to stand up for yourself after your last heartbreak.
But all you can see is yourself crashing and burning again.
All you can feel is the rejection and the hope draining away as it did when it all fell apart.
FEAR. It’s at the bottom of it all.
How do you get past it?
- Make friends with the fear. Fear is a warning system given to us by a very masterful Creator in order to keep us away from things that may hurt us such as jumping off a high cliff or touching a red hot burner on a stove.
- Your brain remembers things that hurt and stores those memories away. This is a good thing except when…
- Fear lies. Because Fear is designed to protect you, it will exaggerate danger. It will tell you things like, “All men are the same…” or “You’re going to get hurt again and you can’t survive that…”
- Embrace the fact that you can protect your heart. Set up your “must have list” and “deal breaker list” for the man you will let into your life. Decide you won’t back down from that list – ever.
- Learn about men. Warning signs. Good signs. What makes a man tick and why he says what he says and does what he does (men are different from us – they are not hairy women). Knowledge gives you the edge.
- Then – recognize that there is a time to thank your FEAR for wanting to protect you and ask it to step aside. Tell it that you need to go forward even though you feel it cautioning you. Sometimes you just have to test things out because that’s how you get the prize.
Here’s the question that you and you alone need to answer: Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life?
Will you let the men you’ve attracted who have ended up breaking your heart steal your future, too?
Find a mentor.
Someone who has what you want and has done what you want to do. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Talk it out with them and let them guide you.
Stepping across the FEAR threshold builds TONS of confidence.
And it’s way more fun to explore a new version of yourself and let yourself take some new adventures. Not to mention…experience romance again.
Don’t stay frozen in time. Love is still waiting for you out there.