After your love falls apart, you are going to feel lost.
Can I reassure you about something? It’s a normal response when your life has taken a sharp turn to the left and you thought you were going straight ahead.
You go into the “numb zone”. That’s shock instigating a protection system in your body because it’s too much to take in all at once.
There’s a hole where your life used to be and somehow you’re supposed to fill it up again with something new. That’s daunting.
Your heart feels battered and bruised because you didn’t ask for what you went through. The man you thought would love you forever is gone – for good.
It feels like you have been through a war zone and here you are…plunked down in the center of a desert. Alone. Even if you have family or friends that want to support you – you’re alone.
Huge decisions lie in front of you but you have no resources or energy to make them.
What do you do next?
Start by shifting the confusion into a simple decision.
You have 2 choices and the one you choose will determine everything that happens from here on in.
- You can sit down in your mud puddle of pain and give up. OR
- You can decide this is not going to be the end of your life or of you and go on.
Choose #1: Here’s what the choice to just give up looks like:
You are stuck in the question, “Why?”.
Why did this happen to me? Why does it always happen…?
Why couldn’t he love me?
Why did he choose her over me?
Why didn’t my fairy tale come true?
Why? Why? Why?
“Why” is normal in the desert land. Staying stuck there is far too common. It’s SO sad and one of the things that breaks my heart these days.
Beautiful, mature, amazing women like you have so much to live yet.
“Why” leads to poverty…living in loss…bitterness…anger.
Yes, your need for certainty, safety and security is gone (your first Heart Need) BUT the choice to recreate it is not.
You can do this. You’ve got what it takes because you’re awesome like that. You’re created to face what’s tough, find a way through and keep going.
If you’re willing, you can find the pathway to rebuild anything. And, the reality is, that is what is going to save you in this situation.
Choose #2: Here’s what the 2nd choice looks like.
This is the choice that says, “I am not going to just sit down and die.”
NOT giving up means you close the door to the Back Room of your past by:
Asking “HOW?” or “WHAT” questions more often than “Why?”.
Yes, you deal with the “Why” questions – you don’t bury them – but you don’t stay there either.
Your motivation may become, “I will become all I can be and show him what he’s missing”, at first. Or some determination like that. Latch onto it as it is a kind of strength.
But that morphs into doing it for you, not to prove that he blew being with the most incredible woman in the world (you). Sometimes we have to fool ourselves by blowing things up a bit bigger than they are. Then we find a place of truth to settle.
The truth is – He became a Tree Stump Man. Maybe he always was, maybe it was due to his choices along the way.
Bottom line: He became someone who couldn’t love you the way you needed to be loved.
And now you’re left with the fall-out of that forcing you to make one of these 2 decisions.
Stay stuck in “Why” or move forward with “How?” or “What?”
What can I do re create certainty and security in my life right now?
How can I find ways to grieve and come to terms with what has happened?
What can I do to keep a part of the traditions of the past for my family yet build new traditions to represent new life?
These are growing questions that walk you through and beyond the pain. They open and write the next Chapter of your life.
Is this easy? NO!
Is this the way to come back stronger? Yes!
The strength you build from making this choice is what will get you through.
Instead of creating a pattern of hiding from your problems that will stay with you for the rest of your life (not to mention becoming a man-basher and someone who doesn’t trust ANYONE, ever), you will be using this source of strength to face every other hard situation that comes up in your life from this time forward.
That’s what has happened for me. And many of the women I work with.
Need some help to get yourself up and out of that puddle of despair?
I am just a phone call away. Book a time with me for your FREE consultation. No pushy sales. Just us talking. In only 45 minutes, we will:
- Look at the the “WHY?” questions you’re stuck asking.
- Find the source of strength that is in you (everyone has it).
- Replace the “WHY?” with “HOW?” and “WHAT?” questions.
- Open the door to a brand new beginning – IF you choose #2.
Women think out loud. That’s how they get clear and come up with solutions. You need a place to talk. I want to help. So let’s do this!!