Just like you, I've walked a long road already in this life.
We all have a Story.
I'm no exception.
None of us walk alone.
As you have, I've been through laughter, triumph, tears and heartache and loss.
Knowing that you have felt what I feel - even if your Story is different - comforts me.
Knowing you face the same road ahead - even if your circumstances may be different - encourages me.
I don't have to do this alone. That inspires me.
And I hope you know you're not alone either.
Just like you, I am a Heart walking on a Path called 'Life'.
And just like you, what I wanted most in life was to be loved. To feel important. To be special.
I somehow lost the feeling that I mattered being in the middle of a family of 7 living in a very small house in a small town in southern Alberta, Canada.
I think I just wasn't heard and only truly seen when I was upset or in trouble. That being said, I had no doubt that I was loved.
I was also raised in a well-intentioned church where it was often emphasized that the good in us is difficult to find. God was good but I felt ashamed in front of him.
That created a continuous cycle of guilt and the fear that I would never be good enough for, well, God or anyone.
So I became a pleaser searching for approval. Acceptance. Any crumb of recognition I could find.
Someone to tell me that the very soft heart I had was incredibly loveable.
I thought the answer would be in Prince Charming. So I played and dreamed and imagined that I was the Belle of the Ball. Chosen. Loved.
Of course, the fact that I am a romantic at heart made it easy to dream of love.
Romance novels and movies gave me an unrealistic picture of what would solve all my problems in life.
At 15 it happened. As I was passing around a tray of goodies at a New Year's party, a boy asked me, "Do you come with the dish?" And poof! I had my first taste of love. Well, infatuation, I guess.
It all came tumbling down when he told me several months later that he couldn't be with me because...I just wasn't thin enough.
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That one statement broke my world.
I had no idea I was fat - and that's why
I wasn't good enough.
A continuous walk of shame
So began many decades of trying to be good enough.
The Pleaser became a Pretender and I would mold to whoever I was with.
Result? A marriage that wasn't right for me. A divorce. Love was a butterfly I just coudn't seem to catch.
Result? A frozen brain making it impossible to build my dream business.
A botched singing career.
Trying to control my 2 beautiful daughters to prove my worth.
Shame. Blame. Terror that everyone would eventually agree that I really was unlovable.
I wasn't good enough. And that meant I would be alone. Eventually. For good.
My one saving grace was this. I never stopped believing that I was going to find love. The kind of unconditional love that fills up your heart and makes it burst open with music!
A love that comes from strength. Slowly I began to embrace the belief that I had been given a good heart. Designed for love just like the one who had made me. My heart was the part of me that made me loveable. Priceless.
I could love...no matter if I was loved in return. My joy became to just give love - first to wrap my arms around who I was and then to do that for others.
Then another boy broke my world.
This time I fought for my heart.
No More Crumbs
Heartache. Pain. Begging. Chasing. I did it all when it came to men.
Believing I was unlovable and being so afraid of ending up alone for the rest of my life made me "graspy". So, of course, I ended up attracting the wrong guys who were also emotionally unavailable.
Until I was rejected one last time.
Five years it took to realize - AT LAST - that the place I needed to find love was in my own heart.
Love started there. For myself.
I was a Warrior. I had Magic. I was a Fierce Lover and I knew who I was. I made a decision to be true to myself.
One. Simple. Decision. That healed my world.
No More Crumbs. I want the whole cake.
I stepped into my strength and knew that I would be ok EVEN IF I ended up alone.
THAT'S WHEN the most wonderfully devoted man showed up in my life. He literally rescued me when my car wouldn't start.
I was no longer desperate. I laid out my conditions and lived my own values. Turned out they were a match for his.
Ten years later, my joy still overflows. And I have learned to live like this in EVERY area of my life.
Now it's my Mission to help women like you who are reaching your most beautiful years to come
into your own strength.
"No more crumbs. I want the whole freakin' cake!"
No more crumbs from life. Or others.
Or your own negative, distorted inside voice.
It's time to heal your world. Find your true heart.
To own your gifts.
To make an impact.
To leave a legacy that will be a light of love, not fear.
Crossing the Bridge to the Next Phase is No Longer Scary
Being a woman who is approaching later life is about me knowing who I am.
Creating an identity that I can be proud of. Making a decision to be that woman. However imperfectly.
A "No More Crumbs - I Want the Whole Freakin' Cake" Identity.
To be someone who loves sunshine on my face and the sound of birds singing, waves crashing.
Who walks tall. Laughs a lot. Enjoys my favorite music & soaks up romance.
Who lives my dream, the life I want.
Love being who I am.
Love seeing the hearts of others.
Love hugs and deep talks and trying different hairstyles.
Free to be wise even when I make mistakes.
Free to be in love with my Knight in Shining Armor.
Free to break through the walls of fear that come up every day.
Free to feel as if I'm 27 on the inside always.
Free to have faith to know that whatever happens...I can get through it.
I'm Brave Enough...for love. Freedom. Courage. In every aspect of my life.
To be too busy leaving a legacy of love, of honor for myself and others. Too busy being strong to the end to focus on getting old.