You dream your dreams. You take a chance. You do everything you think you are supposed and WHAM! Life (or love) still turns around and slaps you in the face.
Yes, the heart wants what the heart wants. It’s always about the heart.
It’s simple. When you get it all your way and it turns out how you hoped it would, you are overjoyed. Life is wonderful!
But when it doesn’t, you are disappointed. You are disillusioned. Anger stems from having your goals blocked. Hurt haunts you. All your negative beliefs skip up to the surface. Without even realizing it, you talk to yourself. True or not, your brain automatically searches for an explanation and often it comes up with a faulty message.
It will tell you this happened because:
“You are such a loser.”
“No one will ever love you.”
“It’s all your fault.”
STOP! LOOK! LISTEN!
STOP right there and take a deep breath.
LOOK at the truth! There’s a formula for this. Did you know that you have a Blueprint for life?
Your Blueprint is “the way you think life is supposed to be”.
And when your Life Conditions = your Blueprint, you are happier than a bug in a rug.
But when your Life Conditions DO NOT = your Blueprint, you are unhappy and depressed. And often hopeless.
There is a danger here:
- What you hear stems back to lots of stuff that has happened to you in your past and your brain can actually believe it’s the truth which means so does your heart
- the worst thing you can do is to let yourself go to that place where you believe that whatever you do, you are always going to get the same results – this is called “learned helplessness”.
So listen to your heart! Let your heart lead you. It’s here that you are going to find what you need to know – not your brain. Your brain is too good at assessing and coming to “logical” conclusions. These conclusions all too often, are skewed and mixed up and crazy. And, if untrue, will cause your heart to do exactly the wrong thing – like build walls of protection so thick they will never be penetrated. You will then be a prisoner – far from freedom. And far from showing someone the truly amazing person that you are inside.
Within your heart you are going to find what you are feeling. And you are going to find the emotional strength to go after what you need.
She told me she doesn’t find me attractive. I am humiliated and feel horribly rejected. The pain I feel can’t be described. I am so totally in love with her.
This is your heart talking. The language is in feelings and desires. If you listen, you will get to the bottom of who you are.
And, whether or not you know it, what automatically follows are questions.
“Why did she do this?”
“What is wrong with me?”
“What will I do if no one ever loves me?”
Your brain will answer based on your past experience. It may come to conclusions such as I listed above – mostly terrible, negative, seemingly insurmountable conclusions.
OK. So, do me a favor? FACT: You aren’t going to be able to just erase them immediately. Give that voice a cookie and tell it to go sit in the corner. (This was some of the best advice I have ever received because it works! I know because I did it.) Let it whine quietly over there while you do some other work over here.
Now, what to do next? Let your heart take Leadership:
1. See things as they are but not worse than they are.
She doesn’t find you attractive. She is not the only woman in the world. Not everyone you love will love you back. It hurts, yes, and disappoints you.
You thought your search was over. But it isn’t. You can not change her. You have no control over who she finds attractive. It really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with her readiness or her choices or how her chemistry is made up, all of which you can not control.
2. See things better than they are. What is your heart saying it wants? Imagine it! Take a few minutes and jot down some of the qualities you are longing for – like I WANT SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME!
Now design that amazing future relationship that will knock your socks off and love that picture!
You have good taste. This woman showed qualities that you are looking for. Somehow she created an atmosphere for you which, even for a short time, felt good, safe, secure. It met some of your most intimate needs. Now is the time to examine that.
What was it that you saw in her that makes you realize what you want in a woman?
What in her revealed to you qualities you don’t want in a woman?
USE this to add to your ideal (not perfect) relationship picture. (By the way, I am designing a workbook, coming soon, to help you with this. Watch for it!)
3. Make Things the Way You See Them
FACT: True love attracts true love. Who would you need to be to attract the woman of your dreams? Start preparing yourself to be the other half of this relationship. You will need to learn to love as you want to be loved so you are ready.
Determine to use the stress of dating to work for you not against you. Be one of the winners,not the losers. Let every date be a step toward the arms of the person who can create that special relationship with you. Never give up!
And, dream your dreams knowing you will not settle for anything less.