Taking Care Of Your Own Heart First

Crossing the Bridge to True Love

I am so excited!  I am one step closer to accomplishing what my life is about.  I have created a new website.  It’s an awesome feeling though sometimes, I must admit, I just want to give up!  It takes a lot of time, hard work and overcoming challenges to create a business.

Kind of like crossing a bridge from a broken heart to a heart that can trust and love again.

Picture of lady walking across a bridge
One more bridge crossed.

Perseverance is certainly the word.  The dictionary definition is:  steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose or a state, etc. especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.  (thanks to Dictionary.com)

Looking back, I can see how forging through the healing of my heart prepared me for this. Something else to be thankful for despite all the pain and disappointment.

1.  I had to know what I wanted.  As Stephen Covey says in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Start with the end in mind.”

My passion is to mend broken hearts.  Simple.  On the other end of this bridge, I see lowering the incident of divorce in second time around couples (it’s higher than in first time around relationships).  So I am constantly keeping in mind the overflowing joy I feel each time I see an individual move one step closer to healing, better prepared for a new way of loving.

The other side of my broken heart bridge was to be whole again.  Only better.  Simple.  I never stopped believing that a better love existed than what I had in my long time relationship.  I knew it was corrupted from both my side and his and I wanted to learn how to do it better.  I was constantly imagining, feeling what it would be like to get there.

2.   I started.  It’s so easy to just stay safe.  Dreaming is one thing.  Taking action and risk is another.

Because of wounds from my past, I am very vulnerable to criticism.  It can paralyze me.  Putting my writing, my desire to help others “out there” is like setting myself up as a target on a shooting range.  I had to determine how to keep my eye on my goal.  There are just a small percentage of those reading this that will be touched.  But finding those few is what I am meant to do.

Everything I am was created to do this – my love of words, my compassion for those who are broken, all I learned, my gifts…. I know that I will be disappointed with myself if I don’t give it everything I’ve got.  God believes in me and so must I.

The same applied to my broken heart.  I was abandoned.  I had been crushed, my confidence, self-esteem gone.  But the choice was to be alone forever or to take a chance.  I chose to take chances.  I began to date again and learned not to see every man I met as a “potential”.  Instead, I observed myself and what insecurities, fears dating brought up for me.  I was shocked at myself at times to see how desperate I was but I kept growing.  And growing.  Until I at last felt that I was the strong single I had never been.

3.  I had to take one step at a time.  Ever build a house?  Or even a dollhouse?  Or a piece of furniture?  Ughh!  The work it takes.  You have to read the directions (at least I do) and put it together piece by piece.  There are always glitches and the process is never as easy as you hope it’s going to be.  But if I want that beautiful home or to see the joy on the face of my child or to admire that new addition to my living room, I must persevere.  I have to ride the waves up and down, up and down.

Crossing the bridge means there is much to learn!!  From the technical side such as how to blog, set up a web site, write a book, extend my social media presence.  Sometimes the set-backs give me pause and I take a break to see if I could settle for less.  But when my peace leaves, I know that I wouldn’t be happy if I let it go.  So I pull myself up, pray, open my heart and find the courage and the strength to continue.

In taking steps to healing a broken heart, there is also so much to learn!  I couldn’t always see what the next steps should be, I just knew I had to keep going.  And they seemed to present themselves as I walked.

I read about what a good relationship looks like.

I wrote my feelings and desires down in a journal shared only with God.

I came across ideas like creating a “dream book” when morphed the story board into a book.

I cut and pasted all sorts of pictures, words, poems and snippets from books that described the life I wanted to happen.

I turned my bedroom into a place of comfort and welcome, where love could exist, and I collected a drawer full of lingerie in hopes of one day modeling it for the man of my dreams.

I learned about myself – how to be me, how to set boundaries, how to speak up when I needed to.

The joy of reaching the other side

The end of my broken heart came one Christmas just before the love of my life appeared.  I knew that I was whole again.  I knew the kind of relationship I wanted and what the man would need to be in order to build the relationship with me.  He rescued me one night when my car wouldn’t start.  A Knight in Shining Armor just as I had prayed for.

So is the joy of that one heart who is helped to take a step out of brokenness toward mending.  Awesome and exciting – that is the vision that keeps me going.  I will continue to write, to create workbooks and videos, to coach all I can to realize this wonderful picture over and over!  One bridge at a time – one broken heart at a time.

Let’s do it together!  Let’s Never Give Up!

Author

bernice@bernicemcdonald.com
My passion is to walk you back to a place of passionate love after divorce. I have loved to write, to coach, to train the past 10 years, so that your heart can love again - powerfully, strongly, softly and openly. I found my over the moon, never leave me love. You can, too.