Taking Care Of Your Own Heart First

I Want To Be the “After” Picture

When you see pictures like this, which one do you want to be?  The before  or the after?

Amazing weight loss!
Amazing weight loss!
Va va voom!

I have to confess that I want to be the “after” picture.

As we know with our weight or staying “in shape” , it’s tough to be where we want to be even if it isn’t having the perfect “beach body”.  It takes keeping a constant eye on what we eat and how much and what type of exercise we do.  It’s so easy to just slip along, enjoy whatever kind of food and beverage we want avoiding looking in the mirror too often.

But then, wham!  We see a picture of ourselves sitting innocently beside someone we love, smiling into the camera and the shock sets in.

“Who is that chubby person?”

“Where did those rolls come from?”

No matter how secure a person you are, to see yourself as you really are, not as you thought you were in your mind’s eye, sets you back.  For some of us, it’s waaaayyyy back.  And for some of us, it’s not so bad.

However, the opportunity to change presents itself right there and then.  The question is, “Do I care?”

If not, it’s easy.  Carry on as you are.  Remain as the “before” picture.

Well, when it comes to love, the principle is the same.  What are the before and after pictures for love?




Which picture does your heart crave?  It’s all about your heart, you know, because at the core of love lies your heart.

Mend your heart…Open your heart…Pay attention to your heart…and this love will be yours.

You can have the “after” picture because with a mended, open, cared for heart, you will be able to care for the heart of someone else.

If you don’t mend, open and pay attention to your heart, you will be afraid, constantly testing to see if your sweetheart is going to take care of you.  This will put your partner on edge and you into a very insecure place where the sand is always shifting beneath your feet.



I hear what you’re saying, “My heart is too crushed to mend.  I can’t trust again.  There isn’t anyone out there who will care for me – really care for me in the way I need them to.”  THIS is absolutely untrue!!

Your “after” picture, your vision. is  filled with fun and laughter, intimacy and passion, someone to look after and someone to look after you.  Do you really want to stay in the “before” picture where your heart is broken in a million pieces and you enclose it behind a brick wall…. for the rest of your life?

You can have the “after”…happily ever after, in fact.  But you must take care of that heart of yours first.

Yes it takes courage but keep that picture always in your mind’s, and heart’s, eye.  Start here:

1.  STOP!  Every time those fears shout at you, give them a cookie and tell them to go sit in the corner for a few minutes because you have some thinking and feeling to do.  Get onto solid ground.  See things as they are, not worse than they are:

  • My heart hurts because someone left me or I had to leave
  • I am afraid
  • I can be willing to learn.  I can be willing to heal but only one baby step at a time

2.  LOOK!  With your fears somewhere over there, still nattering in the background, look around you.  What’s going on in your heart – this is where you get to start taking care of “you”.  Tell the truth.

  • I want to love and to be loved in return
  • Right now if the right man or lady walked up to me, I’d most likely push them away because I’m not ready to trust yet
  • I am a strong person, I am not a wimp
  • I have a lot of good things going for me… a great sense of humor, good at my job, great cook, kind
  • On the other hand, I do tend toward being self-centred and taking care of my own needs first.  But I am willing to work on that.

3.  LISTEN!  What do you want?  What is your heart really telling you that it wants from life, from love?  Never stop learning to reach for that!

  • I want a love that doesn’t sting 
  • I want a life that is filled with good feelings and safe places yet adventurous and exciting
  • I want passion and to feel as if I am making a difference somehow, not just a blob existing until I die

Stop!  Look! Listen! And you are on the path of healing.  Put yourself on that path!  It makes a world of difference.  So much more to come so keep walking with me and we’ll get you through this.

When you are at this couple’s age, you will have already been enjoying this kind of relationship for a long time!

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My passion is to walk you back to a place of passionate love after divorce. I have loved to write, to coach, to train the past 10 years, so that your heart can love again - powerfully, strongly, softly and openly. I found my over the moon, never leave me love. You can, too.