Tender, tender words are what your heart craves. “You are beautiful! To look at you takes my breath away. I love every part of you even the quirky, imperfect parts! You make me laugh. You help me see life from a different perspective. I will never leave you! I am here for you always!”
It’s your heart talking – it’s always about heart. That deepest, deepest part of you that you only know is there when you step out of the clamor and dare to go into the quiet.
When you are alone, after you have been tossed to the curb or abandoned, to go there is to cry. But to go there is also very brave.
Your heart needs love, desperately needs love. That’s what drew you to your partner to start with. You so wanted to be the “beauty”. And the man you were with really wanted to be the “hero”. Bottom line is, for one reason or another, you couldn’t reach each other’s souls.
Will anyone ever want me – the real me?
The question becomes – Do you truly know who the real you is?
Insight: Until you love yourself, you won’t really let anyone else love you. In fact, you will push him away – his complements, his attempts at showing how he loves you, his nearness will eventually fall on deaf ears even if it enraptures you at first. Somewhere inside a voice will tell you, “He lies….”
Think back on your previous relationships. Were you able to receive what was offered to you? We subconsciously tell ourselves things that make it very hard to be loved. So, let’s get to the bottom of this one step at a time.
This is your work: Simply learn to love you. No more pretending!
Now, here is an exercise that is going to seem very silly to you but it’s a key part of who we are as women.
I want you to just “be”. That’s right – step into the heart land that is way down inside of you. Perhaps it’s a place you have never been. (Much of this I learned from Rori Raye, Relationship Coach at www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com and I thank her deeply.)
1. STOP whatever you are doing. Do not beat yourself up.
2. Go into your head. Think of standing in front of an elevator door. Push the button. Pile all of your thoughts in there – push them all in and press the “down” button which will drop them deep into your pelvis area far away from your head for the time being.
3. Now take the spiral staircase out of your brain and down, down, down to that mystery area called your heart. Open the door with the key from your pocket and go inside.
4. Sit down and just “be” there right now. Look around and see what’s there – whether it’s damage, whether it’s green grass, whatever it is – just “be” there in your heart. Don’t do anything.
5. Now, just as you give love to your child who is hurting or your friend who needs you, give love to yourself. Reach out and hug your heart and simply love her with everything you are. No judgement, no criticism, no accusation. Just love. And stay there for a few minutes just giving yourself love.
Now, if you have never done anything like this, you are going to feel silly at first. But this is SO important.
Last, another “silly” but incredibly powerful exercise.
Get up and go to the bathroom mirror. Stand there and look into your eyes. NO BEATING YOURSELF UP. You can see your heart in your eyes. Give yourself a break and just look.
Then take a drop of water on your fingertip and start painting your outline. Think of the water as love. Stand there and paint your outline. Do it as you would a friend or sister or child, like an artist, paint yourself with love.
Really! Do this – it will start to soften yourself toward you! Your heart is needing and longing so much to just be loved. Do this for YOU.