Create Your Impact (Pt 4): Stop Brushing Off what's Good About You

I was eighteen, in my first year of college, on a bus to a choir performance when a friend asked me a question.

“Tell me three things you like about yourself.”

I couldn't name one.

I remember feeling at a loss. Saying anything positive about myself was so foreign to me that I couldn't come up with anything.

So she began naming things she saw in me. My compassion. My kindness. My singing. The way I listened.

She could see those things. I couldn't.

That conversation stayed with me. It took a long time to begin believing good things about myself, but I began paying attention when someone said them.

The things we dismiss

Ask me what my sister is good at and I can tell you. My daughter, a friend, a woman in one of my groups. I can see what they bring.

But recognizing those things in ourselves can be harder.

“You helped me so much with this.”

“Oh, it was nothing.”

“You made me feel so welcome.”

“I just talked to you!”

Yes. You did. And the way you talked to her helped her feel welcome. Why wouldn't that count?

We dismiss a strength because using it feels natural. We assume anyone could do it. Or we remember someone who does it better.

And fear has something to say here too. I call mine Fred, that well-meaning protector who lives in my brain. He knows my history. He remembers the criticism and the misunderstandings, and he wants to protect me from being hurt again.

“Be careful. You don't want people thinking you're full of yourself.”

I can hear that warning and still acknowledge that I helped someone.

I began keeping a record

Over the years, I've written down positive things people have said to me, in my business and my personal life. The two are very interconnected.

I don't record every compliment. But I keep a record I can return to when I need reminding.

Women have told me that I help them see themselves differently. That when I'm honest about who I am, it helps them be honest about who they are.

Those words are evidence that I have a positive influence on people. That there is good in the way I'm living my life.

I still decide who I am. But I want to consider what someone else is seeing, especially when they can tell me how something I did helped them.

What do I bring into this room?

This has helped me do something very practical. Walk into a room.

A networking event. A meeting. A group I don't know. Or people I do know, but I'm feeling unsure of myself or intimidated by who's there.

I ask myself, “What do I bring to the table? What do I bring into this room?”

And I name a couple of things.

I bring heart into this room. I am walking into this room with my whole heart.

I can carry on a conversation and be interested in the person I'm talking to.

I can ask good questions and help others feel comfortable.

These are things I know about myself now. People have told me. I've seen what happens when I use them.

Fred (the voice that wants to keep you from feeling any rejection or humiliation feelings) may still be asking, “What if you don't know what to say?”

I can thank him for looking out for me and remind myself, “I know how to ask a question. I know how to listen.”

Then I walk in and begin a conversation, with the fear still there.

That's a Tiny Brave Step. I'm doing something that stretches my courage, using a strength I already have.

Your Tiny Brave Step

Think of a place where you're holding back. A conversation, an idea you want to contribute, a room you've been hesitant to walk into.

1. Write down something positive someone has told you. If you're drawing a blank, ask someone you trust, “What's one strength you see in me?” Let them answer without explaining it away.

2. Name what you can bring. What strength were they noticing? Write a sentence you recognize in your own experience: “I can ask good questions.” “I can make a complicated idea easier to understand.”

3. Use that strength today. Send the message. Share one idea at the meeting. Introduce yourself to one person. Keep it small, with a little courage required.

   
   

Afterwards, write down what you did. You don't need a compliment for this part. You know you took the step.

If you'd like help getting started, open your favourite AI and paste this in: Help me recognize a strength I've been brushing away. Ask me one question at a time about what people thank me for. Then help me choose one small action where I can use that strength, even if I feel unsure.

Please come join us in Creative Spaces, a free 90-minute Zoom gathering every other Tuesday. Bring something you want to move forward. We make time to think about your strengths, choose a Tiny Brave Step, and work on it together.