When Life Gets Hard, Who Will You Be? (Choose an identity)

Ladies - we're nearly outpacing men in entrepreneurship. 49% of all new businesses last year were started by women, according to Forbes.

But here's the stat that got me: 47% of women who close their businesses do so for "personal reasons."

...Aging parents who need care. ...Health issues we can't ignore anymore. ...Menopause brain fog. ...Caretaking that never seems to end.

If we aren't careful, feeling overextended almost becomes a way of life.

There's some comfort in knowing you're not alone in this. I think that we can all agree...

Life is hard. Business is hard.

And midlife adds layers we didn't see coming.

The truth is, we never know what's going to drop out of the sky.

One day you're managing your calendar and your client calls, and the next day -

...there's a diagnosis

...an eviction notice

...a crisis that lands on your doorstep with no warning and no escape route.

These aren't small inconveniences.

They're bombs.

And when they hit, everything changes.

Most of us ask ourselves: "How am I going to handle this?"

But I've learned that's not the question that gets you through.

The real question is: "Who do I want to be when this happens?"

Let me tell you what I mean.

When the Bomb Dropped

This past summer, I faced a situation that felt insurmountable.

Someone we knew was being evicted. Their home looked like the hoarder houses you see on TV. Three floors of chaos, mess, and decisions no one knew how to make. And there was no one else. It came back to me.

We had days to sort it, pack it, clean it, move it.

We had to find them a new place to live in a rental market that felt impossible.

And we were in the middle of our own condo renovation - contractors, design decisions, timelines stacking up.

The temperatures hit 35°C and climbed higher. No air conditioning. Three floors of stairs.

Unpleasant messes I won't describe here.

Every single decision fell to me.

And my fear - Fred, as I call him - got loud.

You can't do this.

You're exhausted.

You're going to ruin your health.

Just walk away. You've done enough.

Fred was right about one thing: I was exhausted. My body was screaming. My brain was foggy. I wanted to collapse.

But here's what got me through.

I had been practicing one question in my life for years now, and it came back to me in that moment: "Who do I want to be?"

Not can I do this?

Not should I do this?

Who do I want to be?

The Answer That Held Me

In that impossible moment, standing in the heat and the mess and the overwhelm, I knew my answer:

I want to be someone who... doesn't back down from a challenge.

I want to be someone who... steps up even when it's hard - and doesn't give up.

I want to be someone who... will walk away if I need to, but who makes the choice to be there when I'm needed - without complaining or blaming.

That answer became my floor.

It wasn't a strategy. It wasn't a plan. It was an identity.

And it held me.

I supervised everything while others came and went as they could. 

I cleaned out messes that made me want to quit. 

I kept going when my body begged me to stop. 

We got it done.

The family moved into a place that came through at the last minute.

Afterward, I was wrecked. Exhausted for days. But the relief I felt at not giving up carried me through.

And then - only then - I was able to turn my attention to our kitchen renovation, which turned out better than our wildest dreams.

I didn't collapse under the weight of it.

I didn't lose myself in it.

Because I knew who I was before the bomb dropped.

This Is Your Training Ground

Here's what I want you to hear:

Life is hard. Business is hard.

Managing both in midlife? Even harder.

But hard doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

Hard means you're standing at the edge of something that matters - and you get to decide who you want to be when you're there.

Not who you should be. Not who fear is screaming at you to be.

Who you actually want to be.

This moment - right here, where it's heavy and uncertain and your body is tired - this is your training ground.

This is where you find out what you're made of.

This is where you learn what you really value.

This is where you get creative, pivot, redesign, or even switch lanes entirely - from a place of strength, not surrender.

The women who stay in business through midlife without burning out aren't tougher than you. They just ask themselves better questions:

What do I actually want here?

Who do I want to be when life gets hard?

What would honouring myself AND my business look like right now?

And then they make choices from that place.

Sometimes that means hiring a caregiver for Mom so you can keep your Tuesday client calls.

Sometimes it means adjusting your schedule around your energy - not fighting it.

Sometimes it means scaling back for a season while you navigate a health crisis.

Sometimes it means stepping away entirely - because that's what integrity looks like right now.

Not from fear. From clarity.

This isn't about having it all.

It's about knowing yourself well enough - finally - to choose what matters most and fight for it.

Your Tiny Brave Steps

Step 1: Imagine life just put up a brick wall. Something hard, unavoidable, demanding.

Now ask yourself:

"When the hard moment comes, who do I want to be?"

Not what you'll do. Not how you'll fix it. Who.

Write it down. Let it be simple and true.

Maybe it's: "I want to be the woman who asks for help when she needs it."

Or: "I want to be the woman who honours her body's limits."

Or: "I want to be the woman who chooses herself when she needs to - without guilt."

That answer? That's your floor. The place you stand on.

That's the identity you're building toward.

Step 2: Put it somewhere you'll see it when the next bomb drops.

On your mirror. In your phone notes. On a card in your wallet.

Because it will drop. And when it does, you'll know exactly who you're being as you face it.

Step 3: Want to go deeper?

Copy this into the Tiny Brave Steps Generator:

"Help me identify who I want to be when life gets hard - when I'm facing burnout, caregiving demands, health changes, or competing priorities in midlife. Guide me to name the woman I want to become through this, not despite it."

Save what comes up. This is evidence of your strength for future reference.

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P.S. Put this in your Courage Container - like a journal or a bulletin board - "I am allowed to face hard things and still honour who I am." You've earned this truth.