The Courage Path: Why You Freeze When It Matters Most (And How to Step Forward Anyway)

Ever been told to picture everyone in the audience naked when you walk out onto a stage?

That advice has been given to me to help alleviate the feeling that my heart is about to explode out of my chest just before I had to sing - or speak - in front of a large crowd.

Guess what? It doesn’t work.

Think about the last time you faced something that made your heart race. 

…The moment you were called into that job interview or 

…being part of a difficult confrontation, or 

…leading a meeting your big bosses were attending. 

All eyes on you. Or it all depended on you. Or there were stakes involved that mattered a lot to you. 

Suddenly, you can’t think at all,l let alone try to imagine a room full of bodies au naturel.

Fear feels the same for everyone. It’s like a nightmare when you want to run but can't even move. It’s like being frozen in place.

What if I say the wrong thing? 

What if I sing off-key? 

What if they think I'm terrible? 

That paralysis has caused the best of us to turn and run - and vow we’ll never put ourselves through that again.

But, my dear frozen friend, at what cost? 

Lost opportunities? Damaged relationships? Moments where you betrayed your own heart by being scared into silence.

Ready to find out how you can stand and wrestle your Fiery Fear Dragon into submission? 

Every valuable and brave thing ahead of you depends on you learning this…

Step 1: Understand Your Freeze Response

If you were confronting a winged dragon breathing hot fire over you, running would definitely be the option of choice.

This is what we call “real danger,” and we are very blessed to have a built-in mechanism that provides us with a warning signal: “You are about to die!”  

This big red light bleeps at you when you’re close to putting your foot into the middle of a campfire or leap off a cliff.

Did you know it’s your brain's job to keep you safe? Without its warnings, none of us would be here on this earth for long.

But here's the thing – our brains can’t tell the difference between what’s truly danger and what’s simply a response of nerves we’re having because doing what’s in front of us is, to say the least, uncomfortable.

The same scary, adrenaline-packed stomach-churning response fills up our bodies in either case. 

That incredible Danger Detector will think a job interview or difficult conversation might literally eat you alive! 

Therefore, you must understand that fear is not all the same. 

It’s up to you to determine if you’re truly in danger or if you’re about to do something that holds the risk of looking like a fool or highlighting your lack of competence. 

Things like…speaking (singing) in public, 

…putting your artwork out there, 

…being asked to give your opinion in a situation where you feel unworthy.

All scenarios where you may simply need to grow.

You won’t die. You will learn. 

Try this next time: 

• When you feel yourself freezing, simply acknowledge it: “This is fear.”

• Notice yourself feeling the fear. 

• Say, “Hmmm - this must be something that scares me," instead of automatically leaping to, “I can't do this."

That tiny shift changes everything!

Step 2: Recognize This Will Happen Every Day

On this path we call “life”, every one of us faces three types of challenges:

Bombs: These are the sudden, devastating events that explode without warning – 

…your house burns down, 

…you find out your child might be very sick or 

…your mom dies. 

They shake your entire world.

Boulders: These are things like -

…losing your job, 

…struggling in your marriage, or 

…watching your business fail. 

They set you back and feel crushingly heavy.

Rocks: These are the words others throw at us – 

…criticism, 

…judgment, 

…expectations – 

These hit our hearts, causing invisible but mighty wounds.

Every one of these situations can cause your Fiery Fear Dragon to blow fire. 

You feel fear. But, in all honesty, your life is not in danger. Your heart may be in danger. You may experience excruciating pain. You may want to run. 

What you’re facing is hard. But, no matter how small or how difficult the challenge, you have one decision to make. How will I respond?

Will I run and hide or will I stand and fight? 

Will I learn or will I resist? 

Will I soften or will I harden?

Here’s what you do: 

• Feel the fear. 

• Find the source of that fear. (Am I in actual danger or does it just feel like I am?)

• Decide what you will do: run or grow.

This isn’t about being attacked by a bear or crashing to the ground in a plane whose engines have stopped. This is about what grows your character. 

The fear feels the same. The freeze created by shock or surprise is the same.

Step 3: Change Your Relationship with Fear

You may think the goal here is to become so brave that you never feel the freeze response again.

Unfortunately, I’m sorry to tell you, this is never going to happen. The brain will always respond with fear when it perceives a threat. This is all part of being human. 

You will always feel the hesitation - the freeze - and you will always be able to use that pause to think about how you’re going to respond.

The secret I wish I had known a long time ago? You can change your relationship with fear. 

You can -

…expect that “first freeze response” and use it as a wake-up call. “This is fear.” 

…feel that fear for about 90 seconds - and then decide how you are going to respond to it.

Change your relationship with fear: Stop trying to be "fearless" (which is impossible anyway!) and start working on being "brave enough" to face whatever life throws at you. 

When your Fear Dragon raises his head and whispers (or shouts) in your ear - talk to it like a well-meaning friend who's just being overprotective. 

Say, "I feel you, FEAR. Thanks for trying to keep me safe! The fact that you’re here means that this matters a great deal to me. There’s something that’s troubling me. Let’s see what that is.”

…Consider what you’re afraid might happen. What is your fear warning you about - something that might happen, has already happened?

…Describe it.

…Take a breath. Decide what Tiny Brave Step you can take next or will take if needed.

Then do just that – bravely take one small action even while still feeling the fear. 

You can do this in whatever situation you find yourself.

I applied this going into a job interview. I hated being in the spotlight and feeling judged, evaluated. But, someone suggested that I switch my focus around to interviewing the interviewer. Was this the business I wanted to work for?

When the “freeze” happened, signalling that fear was there, I recognized it and responded with a plan of action. I kept my thoughts together and had a good interview. 

The more you do this, the more you will realize that you can be courageous and the stronger your courage muscles will become.

Your Path from Frozen to Flowing

That terrifying freeze doesn't have to control your most important moments. 

By understanding what's really happening in your brain, recognizing the challenges on your path, and changing your relationship with fear, you can completely transform how you show up when it matters most.

It isn't about becoming fearless – but about becoming brave enough to take action while afraid. It's the journey from "not enough" to "brave enough."

That freeze will still come – your heart will race, your mouth will dry up – but you'll see it as the starting line for courage, not the stop sign for action.

What could become possible in your life if you moved through these moments differently?

What dreams might finally come alive?

I believe in the power of courage - yours especially! Your freeze response isn't proof of weakness – it's your doorway to discovering just how strong you truly are.

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