The Voice (That's Secretly) Running Your Life: How To Stop Your Inner Critic

Ever catch yourself staring at that email draft, rewriting it seven times because it doesn't sound "smart enough"?

 Or looked in the mirror before an important meeting and thought, "Who am I kidding? They're going to see right through me"?

Those thoughts don't come from nowhere. They're whispers from a Voice that's been with you so long you might think it's actually you. But it's not. 

It's that "not enough" Voice that somehow slipped into your operating system years ago.

For example, when I was 15, my first boyfriend looked at me thoughtfully one evening and said what he thought was helpful advice: "You know, you'd be really pretty if you lost 10 pounds."

In that single moment, a belief planted itself that would shape decades of my life. It wasn't primarily about the weight – it was the message that I wasn't enough as I was.

That seed grew. It became the filter through which I saw myself everywhere. 

When I walked into rooms full of people, I wanted to slink into corners and hide. 

My internal soundtrack played on repeat: "I'm not slim enough to be loved. Not pretty enough to be noticed. Not interesting enough to be included."

This Voice became so loud I grew desperate to silence it. So desperate that I developed bulimia – thinking if I could control my body, I could finally be "enough." 

For three decades (seems such a waste of those long years), I carried this Voice everywhere.

Nobody should live with that constant whisper undermining their worth. You don't need to earn the right to exist, to speak up, to claim your space. 

You are enough – right now, exactly as you are. I can’t say that strongly enough.

Ready to turn down the volume on that Voice once and for all?

Step 1: Name the Shadow Narrator

That "not enough" Voice isn't random. It formed around what I call your "primary question" – a fundamental doubt that got planted between ages 7-14.

Maybe yours is:

• "Am I too much trouble…?"

• "Do I deserve that compliment, that award, or even to be loved…?"

• "Will they leave me if I'm not perfect?"

• "Am I smart enough to play with the big dogs?"

This question becomes the silent background music of your life, playing hundreds of times daily without your awareness. 

It's your kryptonite (think Superman) – draining your natural power, confidence, and capacity to share your gifts.

Think about how this Narrator might be controlling you right now.

…Are there jobs you haven't applied for because it whispered "you're not qualified enough"? 

…Opinions you've swallowed in meetings? 

…Relationships you've stayed in despite knowing better?

If you don't identify this Voice, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we're not enough, we act from that belief. 

We hide. 

We play small. 

We apologize for existing. 

Then we create evidence that reinforces what we feared – that we don't belong. We see every negative event as “proof” that the Voice was right.

The costs are immense. Not just for you, but for everyone who misses out on your unique gifts.

How to claim your power: 

• Start documenting patterns. 

• When you catch yourself hesitating or holding back, jot down the thought. 

• After a few days, you'll see the same basic fear expressed in different situations.

•  Simply naming it creates freedom: "Oh, there's that 'not smart enough' thought again."

Then move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Question What You've Always Believed

For me, freedom from this Voice began in my 40s. I was attending a class when the teacher said something that stopped me cold: "You are loved just because you are. Not because of anything you do or don't do. Not because of how you look or what you accomplish."

Could it really be that simple? 

I didn't have to earn love by being thin enough or smart enough or accomplished enough?

This sparked a profound shift in how I saw myself. The question slowly transformed from "Am I enough?" to "What do I bring?"

When the Voice says "You're not good enough for this," ask back: "Is this actually true? Where's the evidence?"

Often we've believed these things for so long, we've never actually examined them. 

The Voice says "Nobody wants to hear what you have to say" – but where's the proof? More likely, your perspective is exactly what someone needs to hear.

How to build momentum: 

• Choose one "not enough" belief and put it on trial. 

• What actual evidence supports it? 

• What evidence contradicts it? 

• Would you let someone speak to your best friend this way? Your child?

Notice how these beliefs crumble under examination. They're not facts – they're stories you were handed, often by people dealing with their own "not enough" Voices.

Ok. We’re getting somewhere now. Move on to Step 3.

Step 3: Shift Your Focus From Self to Service

The most powerful antidote to the "not enough" Voice isn't fighting it – it's redirecting your attention.

Instead of worrying whether you're worthy to enter a room, ask: "What can I bring to this space? Who here might need connection?"

Now when I enter a room, instead of scanning for judgment, I look for people who might feel like I used to – ashamed, fearful, inadequate. 

I smile at them, welcome them, appreciate them. I know what it feels like to believe you're not enough, and I don't want anyone else to feel that way.

This shift is magic. When you focus on contribution rather than evaluation, the Voice loses its grip. You're no longer asking "Am I enough?" but "How can I help?"

At my first speaking engagement after my divorce, that Voice screamed: "Who are you to stand on stage? You couldn't even make your marriage work!"

But I redirected my focus to who in the audience might need my message. That talk ended up touching people in ways I couldn't have imagined.

How to practice today: 

• Next time you feel that tightness in your chest before speaking up, shift your question from "Will I sound smart enough?" to "What might help someone else in this conversation?" 

• Your unique perspective might be exactly what someone needs.

Let’s take this home…

Your Voice, Your Choice

The journey from "not enough" to "brave enough" isn't about silencing this Voice completely – that's probably not possible. 

Courage means acting despite the Voice. It's saying, "I hear you, but you don't get to drive my decisions anymore."

You were created with purpose, with unique qualities meant to impact others. Every room you walk into is an opportunity to bring those gifts forward. Especially when that old "not enough" Voice tries to hold you back.

The world needs your strange jewels – those quirks and qualities that make you uniquely you. Your perspective, your Voice, your particular way of solving problems and caring for others.

This week, when you notice your "not enough" Voice, simply name it: "That's my old recording playing. It's not the truth about me."

Just this Tiny Brave Step begins to loosen its grip on your choices.

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What if you had a Coach in your Pocket at your beck and call?

What if you could find your next Tiny Brave Steps for any situation in an instant? 

Now this is all possible!  I have a free tool - the Tiny Brave Steps Generator ChatGPT that is free to use. You can privately tell it your struggles in life or in your business and here’s what you’ll get:

• A personalized coaching experience powered by ChatGPT

• 3 courage-building steps — including a 90-second action

• A simple mindset shift to help counteract the “Voice”

• A way to document your brave moments and track your growth

• An invitation to join our Creative Space — a live, supportive space to act on your courage

Never again have to say, “I don’t know what to do”.  Try it out here: Tiny Brave Steps Generator

BONUS: Transform that critical Narrator into a reminder of your worth and power.